26 February 2010

one thing

Here's a confession...

I have been so overwhelmed with the sad, SAD state of my house lately that I feel guilty about spending time with Jesus. With the laundry piled up and the dishes to do, the floors to wash and the bathrooms to clean (not to mention doing school with my son and making legitimate meals for my family), I feel like taking time to sit at the feet of my Savior is a luxury that I can't afford. Crazy, huh? 

But then, I came across this blog (as I was nursing) and the Lord reminded me of this passage in Luke: 

"Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me." But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is NECESSARY. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her."
 Luke 10:38-42  

One thing. Necessary. Sitting at the feet of Jesus

Not housework or cooking. Not school or laundry.

Just Jesus.

So I will go and and I will sit. I will soak up all that I can from my Lover. And I will choose to focus on the One who matters most.


dear Lisa

I've been pondering ( I love that word) for a few days how to express the things that are on my heart. I am trying to be more vulnerable in every area of my life and this is by far the most difficult area for me. Then, as fate God would have it, I was reading a blog friend's page today and she expressed almost exactly what I've been feeling. And she issued a challenge to me everyone. Write a letter to yourself. From the Father. And this is what happened...

My Delight, 

I care so deeply for you. Do you understand the depth of my love? 
I don't see you the way you see yourself. 
I see the faith, the hope, the longing for more of Me. 
Let Me show you how I love you, and I will teach you how to love Me.
I am delighted by the time we spend together. It is here that you are strengthened and given the grace to abide in me. 
But, you are quick to forget this. 
Quick to try to do things in your own strength and rely on your own understanding. 
This leaves you vulnerable and weak. 
When you don't find your refuge in Me, you expose yourself to a battle that you were not meant to fight. My Word protects you. Use it and let it reside in you.
Come to Me and receive strength, receive grace, and allow my love to envelope you. 
Rest in this love of Mine and trust Me. 
Come, let Me feed you with the only food that will truly satisfy you. 
And quench your thirst with My living water. 
Your Loving Father

And, in response I keep hearing this song in my head:

I have this longing 
Inside me this longing 
To know You the way I am known
Here I am waiting, anticipating a touch from the One that I love
I am Yours, You are mine, touch me now
Let love awaken and flow with abandon to You

I want to love You the way that You love me
To love You with that kind of love
So pour down upon me a river of longing
A fountain that flows from your heart
I am Yours, You are mine, touch me now
Let love awaken and flow with abandon to You

I know there's only one thing I have needed
And that is what I'm looking for
Help me to find You and hold You and keep You
Forever the Love of my heart
I am Yours, You are mine, touch me now
Let love awaken and flow with abandon to You

to be continued...


25 February 2010

Raw (e)


What's this, you ask? A fun blog hop from Sailor & Company! The object is to capture a themed photo each week and post it sans modification... no editing, no picnik, no photoshop, no lightroom, no boost....etc. Just click and post. The winner each week will have their blog featured on Sami's RAW(e) link.

Here is my photo of the week: theme: Doorknob

23 February 2010

the blame game

Recently the Lord has been showing me how subtle and pervasive the Father of Lies is at planting thoughts in my head. Thoughts like, "You only really seek the Lord when things are rough." or "There's no use in reading the Word if you're just going to spend 5 mins. doing it." Thoughts that discourage. Thoughts that condemn. Thoughts that (up until now) I have mistaken for conviction of the Spirit. But all this blame and condemnation does not come from God.

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1

It dawned on me the other day that if I'm feeling condemned, I am not hearing the voice of the Lord. That's not to say that the content of what I'm hearing is a complete lie, because there may be some truth to it. But, if the thoughts in my head make me want to go hide under my covers instead of seek the Lord, they are not from God.

"...God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance..." Romans 2:4b 

True conviction of sin, brought by the Spirit, can be hard to digest for sure. But the gentleness and kindness of the Lord in revealing sin, causes me to humble myself and repent with thankfulness at His care over me and His desire to conform me to His image. It does not make me feel apathetic, depressed or like throwing in the spiritual towel.  

"For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ..." 2 Corinthians 10:3-5
So, I will fight. And I will take every thought captive. And, by God's grace, I will purpose to hear His voice clearly and ignore the rest. 

22 February 2010

here's mud, er, milk in your eye?

So, let me preface this by saying that Sam is COMPLETELY fascinated by how bodies work. Maybe it's because he has CF and has been poked and prodded all his life, maybe it's just because he's a curious kid. Anyhow, we have been having "What's that?" conversations since he started talking. So...

The other day I was nursing Ava, and Sam wanted to see where the milk came from. I non-chalantly pointed to my um, nursing area (keeping it vague for the men-folk). "But, how does it come out?" he asked. "Like this" I said, as I squeezed a little...which would've been a-okay except that a renegade stream of milk popped out and squirted him right in the EYE! Clearly shocked and completely grossed out, he jumped back about a foot. Trying my best (and failing miserably) to keep a straight face, I assured him that it wasn't a big deal and it wouldn't happen again.

Strange...the body questions have suddenly come to a halt.

21 February 2010

my abc's

Ok, I have a confession to make.

I am a sucker for finding-stuff-out-about-people lists! I love to read them, love to make them.

So, let the games begin...

A - Age: 35 (and now officially one of those people that says, "But, I still feel like I'm 18!")
B - Bed size: King
C - Chore you hate: Washing the floor
D - Dinner favorite: Tilapia with a slab of lemon herb butter (baked in foil packets), broccoli and crescent rolls.
E - Essential start your day item: Breakfast!
F - Favorite color: Turquoise or Bright Green
G - Gold or Silver: Silver
H - Height: 5'
I - Instruments you play(ed): None, sadly. I have hopes to learn to play the piano in the next few years though.
J - Job title: SAHM , but the list could go on for pages!
K - Kid(s): Samuel and Ava
L - Living arrangements: Small-ish house with a small-ish yard on a quiet street.
M - Mom's name: Andrea, but everyone calls her Andi
N - Nicknames: Lees, Bev (short for Beverly, which a friend in h.s. started calling me because it rhymed with my last name, Eberly. Beverly Eberly...hilarious.)
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: D & C gone awry
P - Pet Peeve: People that are ALWAYS complaining!
Q - Quote from a movie: "You smell like beef and cheese"
R - Right or left handed: Left, but I cut with my right hand.
S - Siblings: Mark, Matt
T - Time you wake up: between 6-7a.m.
U - Underwear: Essential
V - Vegetable you dislike: Okra. The slimy, hairy combo sends me over the edge.
W - Ways you drink your coffee: Disguised as a Frappuccino
X- X-rays you've had: Teeth, chest, neck, back
Y - Yummy food you make: Lasagna
Z - Zoo favorite: Dolphins

18 February 2010

i L.O.V.E., looove my husband

In the spirit of Valentine's Day, I thought I'd share a little bit about why I love my man. A little late, I know. But what do you expect? I do most of my writing one-handed, at midnight, with an infant attached to me...not terribly productive!

But enough about me.

Marko is the calm in my storm. He patiently listens while I rant and rave about whatever has my panties in a bunch, then offers a solution or a hug. If I am running late and harried because there is too much to do and not enough time to do it, he quickly packs the kids up, gathers loose ends and makes sure that I'm out the door with everything I need. He lets me cry in his arms and makes me laugh when I'm taking myself WAY too seriously.

He forgives me unconditionally. I have been manipulative, proud, bossy, hurtful, deceptive, resentful, and just plain mean at times. And he forgives it all.

He has NEVER spoken an unkind word to me. EVER. We have been together for over 15 years and not once has he said anything intentionally hurtful to me.

But most of all, I love him because he loves me in a way that makes it easier to understand the way that Jesus sees me and wants to relate to me. Through Marko, I understand a little better the peace that comes with bringing my storms to the Lord. That He is my Rock and Shelter and Refuge from every storm. I understand a little better the forgiveness that He offers for the sins that I commit over, and over, and over, and...well, you get the picture! I understand a little better that Jesus is not harsh or spiteful, but speaks only the things that will build me up, convict me of sin that erodes our relationship, and draw me closer to Him. That His words are never condemning, accusing or hateful, but loving, gracious and compassionate.

And for all this, I love my husband.

17 February 2010

spreading the word

For all of you CF families out there, there is a fantastic new website called CysticLife. It works kinds of like Facebook, networking families and individuals with CF. It is a great community to go to for help, encouragement and general info. Check it out! You'll love it!

08 February 2010

jacob, esau and.....marshmallows?

The other day Sam and I were having a conversation about the biblical account of Jacob and Esau that went something like this:

Me: "So, Jacob tricked his brother. And Esau was very angry at him. Jacob was scared that Esau would try to hurt him, so he went into the desert. That night he camped in the desert and...

Sam: ...after he was done roasting marshmallows, he laid down and dreamed about angels!

Of course...because camping just isn't camping without marshmallows!

02 February 2010

i am not

I would love to be a make-all-my-food-from-scratch, gardening, super-artistic, perfect-hair, house-always-clean, piano-playing, 3-sizes-smaller, quiet woman.

But I am not.

What I am is a woman that has many flaws and weaknesses. A woman who sometimes buys my son nachos at the Target Cafe for lunch because I'm too lazy to make lunch when we get home. A woman who sometimes throws all the laundry that needs to be folded into my room when guests arrive. A woman who's idea of "making" cheesecake is buying the Jello boxed mix.

And I'm okay with that.

Most days.

Then, I read a blog like The Pioneer Woman or watch my sister-in-law manage 5 kids, keep a clean house, home school and participate in various charitable causes without(seemingly) breaking a sweat. And I obsess for a moment about how I'll never get it together.

And then I remember...I am not them.

What I am is a woman that loves her family. A woman who loves to laugh and play with her children. A woman who loves to make her husband's favorite food, on a weekday, just because. A woman who loves her Lord and is so grateful that He loves me back...

...just for who I am.